You ever get one of those days when you're like, 'Dayyyum! I am looking good today!' And then have an extra spring in your step for the remainder of the day? Well I am not having one of those days. I am in fact having a fat day.
Before you start with the whole pull-yourself-together-woman,-be-happy-with-who-you-are-and-hop-on shinanigans, I'll have you know it's not that easy! It can't just be me who has these days, or weeks or months, god forbid years! And I'm pretty sure this can't just a 'female thing' either to have a fat day.
Everyone's life is constantly being bombarded by the media telling us to slim by giving tips on the latest most popular exercise or the newest diet to help loose those pounds. For me though I'm not so bothered about the weight as I am the shape of my body. I mean you could be as light as a feather but have no arse to sit on! So you see, moderation is key.
So at some point, it is only natural that in this day and age, one will come to the day when eventually you will wake up one morning and announce proudly that you are planning on starting a healthier lifestyle that includes early morning runs and a new diet that after much research (mainly magazine flicking) you have come up with yourself. Step 1 of this programme includes getting lowering your daily sugar intake at a gradual pace, starting with things like sugar free tea and coffee. Once you have got the hang of this, you'll begin to actually like sugar free tea, fill with the confidence that your life is about to change and are ready for the next step. Trouble is, by the time you have arrived at this state of mind, two years have gone by since you came up with your (now, not so) ingenious weight loss plan and have forgotten Step 2 because you forgot to right it down. And every time you plan on going running, it starts raining outside which is absolutely (almost) true. 'Tis a sign from the higher powers that exercise may not be the thing for me.
So you are stuck. Problem with me is that when I'm unhappy I don't eat very much and exercise which then results in better shaping. Having noticed the change, I feel suddenly happier and treat myself by eating and eating and eating and drinking and eating and eating. Then I get sad again because I feel that I look disgusting after my week long feasting so I don't eat, and so the cycle continues.
Now excuse me while I put the kettle on to make myself some sugar free tea, fetch myself some biscuits to go with. Now click to join me in listening to this incredible song!